Bullshit to recycling guilt

Everyone has to recycle now. It’s the thing. We all have to recycle all the packaging we don’t ask for and don’t want. And we have to separate it into little mini bins. We all have to do this to save the planet, because we’re the reason everything is going to shit.

That’s not fair. I didn’t make that rubbish. I didn’t ask for my carrots to be laid gently into a plastic tub and covered with a layer of thinner, softer plastic or a plastic mesh thing. When I go shopping the supermarket won’t let me buy loose vegetables without each item going into a separate plastic bag. I didn’t want them to switch from reusable glass bottles to crappy plastic. I had no say in any of this rubbish being made or added to the goods I buy. I bought a fridge and had to sneak about 10 bags of broken up polystyrene and plastic out in the middle of the night for fear of being given out to by my nosey neighbour, the recycling fascist. Should I have hired a skip for the fridge’s wrappings? Why don’t the companies who produce all this crap pay for recycling to be done for us? Why the guilt trip to the consumer, making us feel like shit because we left one light bulb on while every single shop leaves their lights on at night, when the shop is closed, just so people can see the window display at 3am?

And by the way if you look on the street and see cigarette butts and chewing gum and empty cans, you will realise why you won’t ever get everyone recycling. There’s a fine for littering. There’s a fine for leaving dog shit on the footpath. Is there still litter and dog shit on the footpath? Yes. Stop making me feel bad about recycling, at least I put all my rubbish in a bin. Change some laws, pay someone else to sort out my rubbish. Get it done. I’m not causing global warming, I don’t even have a car.

And then, what do I get in the post? Millions of flyers, brochures, magazines of special offers on ham and oranges, and they have the audacity to make me recycle this crap.

One of the worst offenders (they press the buzzer on a Saturday morning, too) had the cheek to end their fiftieth free, unwanted magazine of the quarter with “Help (major supermarket) protect the environment! Recycle this magazine!” I couldn’t believe it. They blanket bomb the neighbourhood with thousands of magazines every year. Ok, advertising is here and it’s not going away. I just can’t accept that you are allowed to print all this shit, shove it in my post box and then I am responsible for properly recycling it. How dare they pretend to have some caring  environmental policy when all they do is pass the guilt on to the unwilling recipients of ads for cheaper detergent?

Free newspapers are also a load of unwanted crap. I have to refuse three free newspapers every day. If you actually read all three, they are the exact same non-journalism with articles like “Cure for cancer!….. Could be found, eventually, if scientists in Bulgaria who have started researching cancer are successful.” or “Swedish dog might have widest nostrils in the world!” and the obligatory piece on some Micheal Jackson memorabilia that sold for some ridiculous amount that means nothing to me because I can’t really grasp the concept of more money than €1,000. Every free newspaper has the same shit and the same dejected people handing them out while hating you because they have to get up this early because you do. I imagine these are the people who call the numbers on those fliers advertising “exciting, rewarding new opportunities for lively, enthusiastic young go- getters!”

Anyway, somebody better sort that shit out. Hey, why don’t you help me save the planet, by getting up off your ass and doing something about it while I sit here and think of all the minor injustices in the world? We make a great team.

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