Because I’m lazy, depressed and a bit drunk, here is a numbered list.
Give me a second, I did actually have a thing I was going to do a list on, but it has slipped through my brain fingers like an egg. A cracked egg, not one I just dropped. Oh what was it? I honestly don’t remember, but that really sucks because if I don’t remember soon, it will become “the greatest fucking thing I was ever going to say to anyone, ever” and if I do remember in anything more than two minutes, it will be the most upsetting anticlimax since this very afternoon, when I was also a little bit tipsy and was racking my brain for over… imaginary exaggerated number of minutes… trying to remember that immensely entertaining story to tell my friend. The story, when it finally materialised before me in a bit of a Eureka moment, interrupting my friend as she related her trials and tribulations, turned out to be barely an anecdote about my morning visit to the post office. Seriously, cannot remember what I was going to write here other that it was to be a half-assed list with numbered points, it was going to be awesome, and now it’s gone forever. Stupid brain, stupid, bad brain. If only the brain could benefit from a sharp smack, like an unruly child. Unfortunately I don’t think smacking myself in the head has ever helped things. I bet you anything it was a shopping list or something. Now we’ll either never know, or when I do recall, it will be so bloody stupid and irrelevant that I will pretend I never remembered. Or it will be mildly interesting but I’ll have built it up to be shit and irrelevant, and I can never ever share for fear that your malleable little mind ingests it expecting stupidity and judges it as such. Oh dear, it’s a post about not posting, is it? Wow, really impressed with my spelling. I shouldn’t write anything any more. Go to bed. Work tomorrow. Stop being a jerk, morning you has to get up and be a responsible adult. Look, you’re talking to yourself again. That means it’s bed time. I won’t ask twice.
All right, I’m going, I’m going