Today I’m back in gripe mode. Let me tell you, I’m no grammar nazi. I’m not. I notice bad wording, spelling mistakes and the like. But I’m not one of those bastards who will create an account on some forum, check their email for the verification, sign in, find the thread… just to bitch about someone’s misspellings. I notice, but I don’t judge. I think official bizniz should be official looking, but whatever the generation after me wants to be shit at, I say let them. More employment and respect for me, thank you very much. Anyway, there are some little annoyances in speech and writing that I will mention for the fun and enjoyment of all.
1. Comparing things that aren’t the same for no reason.
It’s something I’ve noticed lately. It’s everywhere. An interview with some politician or scientist. Anywhere talk is dumbed down, there is a smug fucker telling you “It’s like..” and putting it into even more simplistic layman’s terms. Even when it’s not for the sake of simplification. I don’t really have a problem with a scientist explaining protons and neutrons in terms of jellybeans floating in a fishtank, or whatever, it’s the purposeless comparison that goes on my list.
I don’t think it’s totally off limits as an element of speech, it’s effective and it can be funny or make sense. It’s just we seem to have moved beyond that. Whenever I hear someone compare one thing to another, for no fucking reason at all, it makes me angry. “I can’t believe she wore grey to that wedding. That’s like, wearing orange to a funeral.”
It’s always done in some pointless and stupid manner that doesn’t add anything to the conversation other than a desire to smack. It usually isn’t a fair comparison, and I’m nearly always left feeling patronised and like the speaker would really prefer to be at home, lying on his back, rocking back and forth trying to fit his own penis into his mouth. Because that’s how much he loves himself.
2. Over exaggeration in an argument.
This is foremost in my mind right now what with the big headache that is my separation and divorce, and my future ex has this as one of his most nerve shattering habits.
It’s powerful against logic in an argument and makes a big noise and the speaker feels like he made a great dramatic point. But it’s fucking wrong and annoying.
“So, you’re too busy this afternoon to do an inventory of all the things we own? Well that’s perfect, why don’t I just make an appointment for 6 months from now! Or let me call your secretary and ask if she can pencil me in for in two years time!”
Way to make me feel like I made the right decision, asshole.
3. In terms of
It’s one of those office manager and politician filler phrases and it grates on me. Either Irish politicians are particularly guilty of this one, or else it just sounds extra ridiculous when accompanied by the face and gut of a middle aged Irish man. “In terms of” is the new “uhhh”. It’s never used in a context that justifies its’ use, and sounds to me just like a really greasy stupid person’s cheat phrase to sound educated to the lowest forms of life in their constituencies.
Regarding is another ignoramus cheat phrase. It’s a part of the moronic business person’s vocabulary, not actually used by real sucessful people (I hope) but by the bottom floor cows who think their name on the stapler is a sign of status. In my brief career as an office bitch, I remember being explicitly told to replace the word “about” with “regarding”, to, and I motherfucking quote, “make it sound more professional”. I don’t think it’s professional to waste company time and printer ink on those four superfluous letters when “about” will do the job, but then I didn’t last long in that office anyway.
5. People correcting other people on punctuation and grammar and the like, when it’s not necessary.
Exactly when and where it is necessary, I won’t stipulate now. I don’t care enough really. But there is a time and a place for corrections, and some people are just dicks and think they should be appreciated for recognising a typo.
That’s all I can think of now, there is plenty more that pisses me off but it will have to wait.