The pros and cons of being a woman

Whenever I go out and make a tit of myself in a situation a man could carry off, I always get to thinking about how awesome it would be to be a man. It would be cool. It would be so cool. I would love to be a man. Curse this female body with its menstruation and weak bladder. So, it’s numbered list time! Hooray! Ok, not numbered… and by no means complete, but I’m bored now. going to watch an episode of psych and go for a cycle, hopefully encounter some wood that needs sawing along the way, because I just got a new swiss army knife!

Pros of being a woman

  • Get treated nicely by people most of the time, and have drinks bought for me.
  • Old women are not afraid of me.
  • Have the choice to get abortions.
  • No chance of being tracked down by unwanted and unknown offspring
  • If I’m a sleazy old woman and sleep with some guy half my age, there’s no chance he’s my son I don’t know about
  • Can be totally ignorant of mechanics, electrics, how to change a tyre, and build stuff
  • Never get asked to lift heavy stuff or help move furniture
  • Can make myself way hotter than I naturally am with makeup, clothes, and trickery.
  • Don’t have to deal with urinal embarrassment or small penis shame.
  • A man will put up with a lot of crap and insanity from me because of the need for sex.
  • Could drink fruity gay-looking drinks with very little alcohol content, if I wanted to. (I don’t)
  • Crying and being unreasonable is acceptable.
  • Can use period pains and mood swings as an excuse at work, relationships… to get out of plans with friends you don’t like very much… etc
  • Masturbation is no-mess
  • Women can have it both ways. We can complain about our right to equality, and still expect chivalry and to be treated like delicate flowers.
  • We can get away with reading and watching a lot of embarrassing crap.
  • Don’t have to put up with a woman’s drama in relationships. Can throw the occasional tantrum.
  • Some of my weight is boobs. Boobs are generally appreciated.
Cons of being a woman

  • Be treated like a piece of meat by men, and hated by women for no reason.
  • Old women are not afraid of me.
  • Have to undergo pregnancy and/ or abortions
  • Have to be the primary carer if I have a baby, and do basically ALL the work.
  • Unless I put a kid up for adoption.
  • I wanted a set of tools when I was a kid, but I ended up with new clothes for my Barbie. Now I know nothing of use.
  • Have to ask for help when I need to move furniture.
  • Have to spend a fortune on makeup, clothes and trickery to maintain the illusion.
  • Can’t pee standing up.
  • Have to pretend to not want sex desperately, so as not to frighten the men off.
  • Tiny bladder that requires half hourly toilet visits if I drink beer.
  • Getting horrendously drunk is frowned upon.
  • PERIODS are such a fucking horrible hassle. And expensive. And then tampon ads insult your intelligence. Bastards.
  • Men really like blow jobs.
  • We are brought up to help out around the house. When we’re visiting someone, we tend to do things like wash the dishes or help in the kitchen while the men sit and drink.
  • Films and books for women really insult our intelligence.
  • Have to put up with drama in friendships, random bitchiness and regularly falling out with best friends who unfortunately know a lot of your deepest secrets.
  • Can’t eat as much without getting fat, and being fat is so not accepted.
Advertisements

6 responses to “The pros and cons of being a woman

  1. I’d like to give you my impartial opinion about this but I can’t get past the major PRO of you have 24/7 access to breasts and a vagina. After this any CONS pale into insignificance.

    Very sorry.
    Signed: Typical man.

    • But……. I know, I can’t argue. Sometimes I just sit and look at them for hours. But I think a dick would be something to be really proud of. Being able to aim my pee? Practically a superpower.

      • You’re talking about men. Aiming does not mean accurate. Anyway what’s wrong with these: http://vbly.us/2fv0

        I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree until somebody can invent a way for men and women to switch bodies. Or maybe we can get a sequel to Freaky Friday in the pipeline but this time Lindsay Lohan switches bodies with Charlie Sheen. Now that’s something I’d pay to see.

        • I bet you could get really good at it though. And write your name in the snow, and pee on fires to put them out. And carrying around cardboard funnels to clamp against your vadge and pee through (soaking the cardboard and leaving your hands all pee-y… yes, I have tried them) isn’t so cool as having a real flesh appendage that also changes size and shape and consistency. Agree to disagree, but I do totally want to make and watch that film.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s