People say the darndest things

Today I am at work sneakily internetting, and my mantra is BE NICE TO THE CUSTOMERS. I have become so jaded by their stupid monologues and presumption that they are unique and special and we are best friends, that I’ve been pretty hostile and unsmiling. Today I am nice and interested. I will repeat the same answer to their boring questions over and over again, worded slightly differently, until they get the picture.

“Do you have this in green?”

“No, the only colour I have is red.”

“Do you have orange?”

“No, just red.”

“So you don’t have any other colours?”


“Because I was looking for a green skirt, like this but green.”

“I understand.”

“Do you have anything?”


“Hmm…. I just needed a green skirt….so….. nothing?”

Will not headbutt. I am nice today. Smiling and stuff.

And then this asshat comes in, who I met recently with a group of other expats, and immediately alienated with aplomb. He makes some stupid comment about my gypsy stick. OH why did I mention my gypsy stick the other night? It’s not for beating the gypsies. It’s just for brandishing so they respect mah authoritay when I eject them from my shop before they begin their gypsy thieving. And if they don’t leave, it’s good for prodding them into motion without having to touch their urine reeking rags. But this group of numbnuts decides to brand me a racist. What? I know. Me, a racist. Unbelievable.

And I think these people are getting confused between intolerance and racism. intolerance, now that’s how I roll. Gypsies approach my shop, and with gypsy stick in hand like staff of monty python wizard, YOU SHALL NOT PASS. Because they gypsies are stinking thieves. This is a proven fact, proven first hand by the time I was too p.c. to kick someone out for looking different, and the gypsies ran amok and fleeced my shop, leaving me feeling like my work self had been raped. Now if I ever come across someone who claims gypsy ancestry, grew up a gypsy but decided to get a job and not be a parasite on the hygiene-based society of the rest of us (even I smell better than a gypsy) I wouldn’t be like, oh you’re gypsy thieving scum. No I would not. Because it’s not about race. It’s about lifestyle choices. And I’m intolerant because we’re incompatible. It’s like, Muslims or Jews or something. I mean the burka wearers and the curly little side beards and funny hats, respectively (but not respectfully), not your run of the mill “we eat different food to you” members of said religions.

I don’t care how much muslims pretend to be tolerant and just wearing burkas because they think it’s a nice way to praise god, it’s a morality question. They wear them thinking people who don’t are immoral. Even if they think “that’s cool, we can still be friends, I’m just not letting your firstborn child marry mine” then that’s bullshit. How can we be friends if you think I’m going to hell or not as worthy of virgins in the afterlife, or that my future potential offspring is unworthy of yours? I’m not being friends with people who think I’m morally wrong. I don’t have a problem with cultures that are different, as long as we’re not talking morality. Eating different crap or at different times, fair enough, we all do what we do because our parents taught us to, and we don’t move too much from the comfort of our upbringings.

But, (for extreme example) I don’t hang with paedophiles. I think they’re morally wrong, so they have no place in my life. I don’t think a muslim is morally wrong for wearing a burka, in fact it’s cool, less competition…. but I have a big fucking problem with the fact that they obviously think I am wrong. Or even just a smidgin less right. So I think my intolerance makes sense, and it’s not racism because take anybody from any race or culture who lives in a way that is compatible with my way of life, we’re cool. But if you think my short skirt means I’m slutty, you’re not coming to my birthday party. If you think my lack of faith means I’m eventually going to get my comeuppance, or the fact that I push buttons on a saturday means I’m not getting as swish an apartment in the next life, then you are not invited on the friendship train. Why would you even want to board the f train (I’m reappropriating the term f train for this post) if we’re not going to be able to hang out in the afterlife? Are we that desperate for company that we will compromise on our beliefs for the sake of someone to compare recipes with and complain about husbands? Not me. I don’t need your friendship, I have myself to talk to. And I better make the most of it now, because once I die, there will be no more awesome mental conversations. BECAUSE I WILL BE DEAD THEN.

But you know what disgusts me? Actual racism. The other day I was at work when my colleague’s friend came in and offered us a coffee. So he brings in the tray with cups of coffee and suddenly proclaims to my co worker, “Don’t drink out of that side of the cup. The stupid fucking Romanian wiped it with a cloth. There was a drip on the side, and she just picked up a cloth from the counter and wiped it down. I saw her, but I didn’t say anything because you know these Romanians they don’t speak a word of Italian”. I’m like, what? I didn’t realise the girls in the bar next door were Romanian. Their Italian is awesome. I thought they were Italian. And what the fuck? If he thought it was unhygienic to wipe the SIDE of a cup with a cloth that was on the counter (where did he want her to keep the cloth? A hermetically sealed container? The basement, in a vat of antibacterial gel? It’s a fucking bar.) he could have just said so. If she didn’t understand, that’s her problem. But what he did was be a racist prick and mention the shit to my colleague when there was no need for her to ever even know the SIDE of her cup was wiped with a cloth. Maybe I’m just lax about cleaning, but I don’t see any problem here apart from Mr. Gimp’s outburst afterwards. And I was just like, “Man, those girls speak really good Italian, I didn’t realise they were foreign.” And he’s all “Whatever, they’re all the same those Romanians, I can’t understand a word.” I didn’t unleash my outrage on this guy… I was pretty pissed at him but I didn’t say anything, because you know, I’m a foreigner too, he probably wouldn’t have understood a word.

The point here? I hate racists. And if you’re going to say I’m racist, then please. I prefer “intolerant”.

Oh, and here’s something I think is super cool for the introverted ponderer in you….

No, don’t read what other people think about philosophy! LAME! Make up your own mind about shit. Uninformed opinions are fresh and juicy, and much stronger in arguments than researched, well thought out ones with a spine of logic. And here I’m not sure if I’m being sarcastic, or totally serious. I can’t tell sometimes.

Anyway, whatever, go to that site and try the “interactive activities” on morality, religion, taboo… it’s fun to see how hypocritical or fucked up you are compared to other people, and stuff.


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