Things I think impress people, Item 00001

I just wanted to share this awesome skill of mine, from one deluded alcoholic, possibly to another.

I am for some reason convinced that this skill impresses people. I mean, it does… it impresses some people. For instance yesterday I went for a cycle in the park and they have these constantly running wasteful but great water fountains. And whenever I try to drink from it, I get my face and clothes all wet. This is where my super cool origami piece comes in. I made one out of some stupid flier for the water referendum, and the Senegalese guys at their stalls were totally digging my resourcefulness.

You probably think, “what the fuck is wrong with this girl that she is so convinced men go hard for resourcefulness?” “Is this some sort of fetish?” If you want to know whether I secretly fantasize about being lost in a forest, with only my swiss army knife and some paper, and have to fend for myself and make a fire and drink from an improvised cup….. Then have a forest ranger come up behind me and be so impressed by my survival skills he takes me up against a tree trunk that I previously sanded down so it wouldn’t be all rough, hiking up my skirt and not giving a crap about all the leaves and twigs and stuff mixing with our bodily fluids and he fucks me hard and deep and on every thrust he growls in my ear “you’re….so….fucking….ngghhh…..resourceful..” before coming all over the squirrels and foliage and crap….

The answer is yes. Yes, that is a fantasy of mine.

In fairness I mostly just whip out the origami when someone has their own personal bottle of wine at a party, and I want some. I just sidle up, and instant cup magic in their faces before they have a chance to refuse to share. It works surprisingly well considering it’s paper. Glossy paper lasts longer before going soggy, but is probably more toxic. It’s all probably toxic, but fuck it, it can’t be much worse than plastic cups and bottles. Anyway. Here you go, a monday afternoon doing no fucking work and ignoring the customers as per usual, gift from me to you.

Step one, get a piece of paper. If it aint square, make it so. (Fold it over into a big triangle with an extra rectangular bit, then rip the rectangular bit off.) If it’s square, fold it in half so it’s a motherfuckin triangle.

Step two, take your triangle and fold… ah shit this needs pictures.


I swear, harness the simple power of origami cups and you will be a hit at parties, Just like me!


2 responses to “Things I think impress people, Item 00001

  1. The toxic origami may be slowly killing you and may be driving you insane, but at least you’ll look completely stylish when you do it.

    Also. ‘The Toxic Origami,’ would make a sweet indie rock band.

  2. Pingback: I’m very sorry for your loss, but sorrier for my own… I’m getting sick of the salad toss, I wanted us to bone « More fucking opinions from someone on the internet.

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