You know what else is cool?
DELAYED motherfucking drunken flashbacks. Here are my faves that eluded me until today, when they crashed in on my like stealthy, monstrous beasts of remorse:
In no particular order.
– For some reason, burst out with “Deutschland Uber Alles!” to a Polish girl. I instantly realised… Poland… war… shit… she must think I did that on purpose… but I didn’t. Some guy was asking, what is Germany called in German, and I was like “DUDE! You know that one! Deutschland Uber Alles! Duh!” but the deutschland uber alles part came out in a booming song form. There is no recovery… just move on.
– Drunk me seems to think my line from the other night about “if I liked you at all, my hand would be down your pants” was really witty and cool, so I repeated it. To a nice, normal reserved guy who didn’t hit on me…. totally out of context. He was just asking me about my seeminly OTT anger towards Hank Scorpio. So I just yelled my slutty catchphrase at him all smug like I’d said something really clever and poignant. Fucking hate drunk me.
– Was talking to HGWG (hottish guy with girlfriend) about being married and getting divorced. And decided to tell him the story of how I once had sex on a bus.
– Seem to have told my taxi driver all about how I fucking hate that hair removal cream because I swear, three days and I’ve got fucking regrowth. What is the point in that? He was all, I hear that! Yeah waxing is the way to go. And I was like yeah but the only thing about waxing is I don’t like the random strange woman pulling back my…
oh god no the shame. Can’t even type it. That’s enough. I want to bury this all deep into the recesses of my horrible mind again and not allow it to emerge again. Lalalalallalala oh fuck I’m going out again tomorrow, there’s no stopping me.