All right, I’m going, I’m going already



Can’t find my pepper spray.

Half an hour to kill before flight… was going to pay my electricity bill which I have placed decisively on the kitchen table so I won’t lose it ever again, but the post office must be having a fucking sale on stamps or something, because I have number 220 and it is still only at 98. I live across from the post office which is cool because I can check the numbers advancing at the rate honey goes bad just by looking out the window. But 122 numbers left? Bullshit, I’m not getting that paid before I have to leave. Oh well. Who needs electricity? It only powers my laptop, for fucks sake.

Well whatever. Leave it to future, alive and refreshed from a hopefully sexy trip me to deal with.

Ok so where is my pepper spray? I have a dim visual on myself, looking very hot indeed, standing somewhere in my apartment and thinking “I will put this here, just remember where I put it. Will I remember? It’s a pretty obscure location. No, it’s fine. I’ll remember.” but the place I was standing is unclear to me… I have no idea. It was probably in some pocket. I always put it in my pocket when I’m cycling around. But where? Maybe it fell out of my pocket. which pocket? How long ago? I have too many jackets. Maybe I put it in my bag I packed? Don’t unpack now, just got the wine padded sufficiently to survive the journey. Can’t unpack now. Probably never fit everything back in again.

But if the pepper spray is in my carry on luggage (that’s right, 2 suitcases for one week, that’s how I roll) then maybe I will be subjected to some aggressive searching and harassment? Shit. And I really wanted to bring that with me because, hello? Impressive. And I only have half an hour left and I have to lock up and bring out those bins goddammit if I forget those bins…. not pretty. I’ll probably come home and my key won’t fit in the lock because the organic matter in my bin has grown and evolved and taken over the apartment and changed the locks. It already has a long flowing beard, the brain is surely next. (That’s my understanding of evolution, anyway)

Oh and I just read some bullshit on facebook, someone asking which came first, the chicken or the egg.

Let me clear this up for anyone who still thinks this is a valid brain teaser, dilly of a pickle of a question.

Chickens are evolved from reptiles. Reptiles have eggs. The egg has stayed pretty much the same over millenia. The chicken is a fairly recent development. Ergo, the egg was first. Fucking stupid question. And if you go further back than reptiles, I mean every animal has eggs. Insects have eggs. I have (probably) got some eggs. Eggs were like one of the first things that got made. If the chicken’s egg looks different to a lizard egg, it’s because chickens and lizards eat different stuff.

It’s like asking “which came first, the matted, dirty hair or the hippie?”

Ok stop procrastinating, just finish packing and leave the house. DO IT.

I’m outtie.


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