You like hearing about my trips to the supermarket? You’ll enjoy this post, then.

Tomorrow I have the day off work, woop woop!

I decided to celebrate by breaking two of my big important recent rules… actually three.

1. No drinking alone.

2. No eating chocolate and cheese, even separately.

3. No buying crazy expensive shit.

You see, the first rule was easy to break because, come on, I only have three episodes of Game of Thrones left to watch so by the time my night is through (yes I’m just about to watch all three like a foolish glutton) I will have to return to the “shit I downloaded earlier but that didn’t really grab me by the tits” folder and watch something crap. So wine will kind of help make things more watchable.

Also, I finished work a bit late thanks to a seriously inconsiderate biddy who wouldn’t leave the shop, and so I had to run to the late closing supermarket (late for Italy, barbaric by any other country’s standards) and as I entered the guy told me I had TWO minutes. And it was like supermarket sweep, except where I pay for everything. I was urged on by panic, indecision, greed and the fun of it all. Would I even remember what I needed, nay wanted? Would I do it in two minutes? Did I even have any money on me? Coffee. I needed coffee. There was none left, what a shitty way to wake up on my day off with no coffee. And milk! For what, I didn’t know, but milk is a good thing to have. Grabbed milk. Passed some wine on display. Grabbed a bottle that later (now) revealed notes of cheap lipstick and old cork, with mouldy grape undertones.  Didn’t have time to question my grabbing wine, the clock was ticking! And I was the only one playing supermarket sweep so there was no counting on joining the queue at the last second… I realised the milk was leaking. For the love of god and all that is inexistent, there’s no time! I ran back to leave the milk and grabbed another pack, this time a plastic bottle to be on the safe side. What else? What else would I need? Special K… clothes pegs! Marjoram! No, no, it’s not free, it’s a bank card… Don’t buy stupid shit. Just the special K will do fine. Kids, we’re eatin’ dinner tonight!

The supermarket guy starts bellowing “make your way to the tills” and I realise he’s not even giving me the full two minutes that are counting down on my phone, it was a figure of speech. The second milk leaks out the top, all over my new bag. Garrrr… I deposit it back as half the lights are switched off and grab a third milk. Rush past aisles of things I now realise I want very much, like cheese and crisps and fruit and anything really, panic has me in its clutches… I’m sweating,  shopper’s adrenaline floods my body. I want all of them! I want all of them! I grab a pack of chocolate. I run to the tills. I made it. The man is not in any way impressed with my still being here at all. He wants to go home. He’s kinda hot… But I have that manic shopping look in my eyes, half crazed and drenched in sweat…. I pay and leave. (Like I have the balls to do anything else anyway…)

Outside in the cold blue-grey evening I look at my purchases, and am disappointed. At least I got coffee I guess. But I really ballsed up the supermarket sweep.

So that covers why I have broken commandments ONE and TWO, but the third…

I was very bored today at work what with it being a long day and my generally being bored all the time anyway, so I decided to do some pretend online shopping, ie, pretend it’s pretend, and then at the last second whip out the credit card… so I couldn’t remember my amazon password or even what email address I used to sign up and the details were in all my email accounts because of my tendency to have my mail from 3 addresses arrive in all my 3 inboxes and it’s a big mess at times like this. So when I finally did get my password sorted I was so fucking happy, I logged in and forgot it was play shopping and continued to the checkout with a kindle 3G  in my basket and said yes, I buy now. Then my previous details and credit card stuff came up and asked did I want to use the same info… and I was like, hee hee hee, that’s a virtual credit card number generated by a prepaid card, it can’t be used again, it’s a one use only number. So I clicked to buy, and then it was like yeah thanks your order has been submitted, or whatever. So now I don’t know what the fuck, is amazon charging my old unusable card for a kindle I want but seriously would be a fool to buy now with my money problems… mmm kindle, want one so bad… Oh I want it so fucking bad. Yeah I’ll just see what happens and if they cancel my order or something similarly likely, I will pay for it fair and square. But I wonder maybe the credit card saved on file wasn’t my prepaid card at all, maybe it was… oh shit maybe it was my mum’s card or something, maybe the last time I bought something on amazon my mum used her card… that’s not likely but it’s possible…. I didn’t check the billing information I was just like, hey that’s not a real number mwahahahaha free kindle for me! Although not going to happen obviously. Ok one can dream.

Anyway. The wine is open long enough, I wonder will its delicate notes and fragrances have aired sufficiently to be enjoyed without pinching my nose… No. The answer is no.

There may be a drunk post later, but I’m not promising anything.

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2 responses to “You like hearing about my trips to the supermarket? You’ll enjoy this post, then.

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