Chillin with fine bitches, and how it is incompatible with the monster ego

Drunk post, motherfuckers!

I just got in from a night out with my pretty and fun friend I have that I decided not te see again for a while after a particularly drunken messy night I probably told you about.

So I got home from work and had abut 3 hours before leaving the house to meet my friend, which seemed like way long enough to make myself attrctive enough to be in her company without constantly catching a glimpse of us walking past shop windows and crying inside. But instead of showering, brushing my hair like a nice girl, and doing nice nmakeup, I played 2.75 hours of fallout new vegas and then had a quick no washing the hair shower, shaved my pitts and swathed myself in a dress. About to leave the house and saw myself in the big mirror. No no no. Pretty friend tonight, have to look better. Too slutty and I’ll just look like the tries too hard unattractive sidekick of the pretty girl. So that dress was not good enough. Try on several dresses. No no noes. Finally settle on a dress that is flattering althugh shorter than… think think think no, can’t think of a decent simile. tom cruise isn’t relevant any more. Or I’d say shorter than Tom Cruise. But no. Forget that.

But I didn’t sit down in it before leaving the house. Strode confidently down the street to the underground. Down the stairs. Waiting for the metro. Metro arrives… shit. Sitting down is difficult. It’s a maneuvre and a half. I settle on covering my significantltyy exposed thighs with my book I’m reading and my handbagd. I hope we end up in a bar with no free seats. I can’t use my book for cover if I’m talking to my friend now can I?

Garr. Getting funny looks. Get off metro, onto bus. Bus is worse. Seats are crammed together. Judgement all over the shop. People staring at my pink flesh glaring out of its purple silky sheath. Try some awkard combinations of leg crossing and leg uncrossing. Eventually I stand up bcause the judgement of italians is too much for me. And because I’m a paranoid bitch I’m afraid people will be all “ooh she stood up because her skirt is too short” so I do this ridiculos pantomime for no one in particular where I pretend I hought that was my stop bt realised it wasn’t and then realised it was another few stops and stayed standing anyway because it’s only a few stops more. No one cares. Then I start rehearsing indignant responses to shit weirdos might say to me, like “my skirt isn’t too short, my legs are just long.” or “thanks, it’s flattering you think I look like a hooker, you’re saying I look good enough to charge for what I give away for free” and other madnesses I would never say and if I did they wouldn’t do anything in my favour anyway.

Eventually meet my friend, and she’s wearing a very casual ensemble of loose shirt over leggings and a skirt, and damn… she looks way better than me. It’s just last time she wore hot pants and I wore jeans to be casual, so I thought I’d up the ante a bit. But no, she wins every time. She’s very good company though, we have a laugh and some beers and I tell her some of my good anecdotes and she appreciates them because I haven’t told them four times already in her company. We both get a little shitfaced and the conversation gets more and more confessional and dirty. Yay girlfriend!

Except then we delve into the nightlife of this city, dwon the river where all the clubs are… and oh fuck man, the depression. I try to keep reeeeeaaal close to her as we walk through the crowds so the cries of “hey beautiful!” aren’t so clearly distinguishable as being aimed at her. I try to pretend I think maybe they are to both of us. Occasionaly some drunk man closer to my side, who maybe hasn’t seen her, gives me some lecherous come on. I get all indignant as I am secretly flooded with relief. Ugh! I comment to her. God that is so annoying… She agrees. But she is less annoyed because she gets it more often. I have a storng desire to take my hair down, because at least that way we woudl have quite different looks, and maybe the fan base would split into factions and I wouldn’t just be getting the B-sides of the horny man comments. But I’m too paranoid people will know that’s why I’m taking my hair down. Damn heat made me put it in a bun earlier, and now there is no nonchalant moment to take it down. Damn. I consider making a loud comment about having a headache from having a tight bun all day, but falter.

We go home… get the night bus. I have never got the night bus here before, because I like taxis.

There is vomit nearby on the floor. 40% of the bus occupants are slumped over and holding their hair back in case of puking. The men have long hair too. There are only two other women besides us on the bus. The men are being very sleazy. I get indignant again. On her behalf, of course. Because they’re leching onto HER. So I play “token fat friend” and get all feministy. I slap a guy’s arm that encroaches on my waist after trying three times with my friend. She just ignores- I get angry. how dare you, I think on an outer level, as inwardly I’m like, thank fuck, it was getting embarassing when he only sliimmed on my friend and not me. then a decent looking guy slips and arm around my waist in passing as he leaves the bus. I blush and get all coy. Oooh! Stupid double standard. Good looks and I forgive all macho behaviour. Mmmm I could go for some nachos right now. Man I’m hungry.

I had a good nght but wish hadn’t shared SO manny of my filthy secret…. byt it’s cool.

Just going to get some water to hydrate mysefl now and maybe some cheese or something to eat.

Except last night I dreamt all my teeth fell out and the dentist wanted to charge me 300 per TOOth. I didn’t nhavr the cash. Oh what a nasty dream. I think it was the late night cheese snacking that did it, apparently cheese provokes fucked up dreams. Anyway you don’t care and I’m going to get some water.

Good night.

And don’t let the bed bugs bite. It’s fine actally it’s not bugs at all it’s just curmbs in my bed.

Advertisements

2 responses to “Chillin with fine bitches, and how it is incompatible with the monster ego

  1. Pingback: Just a shitty post about not going out tonight. « More fucking opinions from someone on the internet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s