Three kinds of smug that piss me off particularly on the internet

Ok no more of that whining about feeling unattractive- I promise. For now.

I have something I want to complain about in a more aggressive and less pathetic manner!

Woohoo! Damn right.

Anyway it’s the smugness found online- anywhere there are comments enabled, all over the internet.

Worst hit are youtube music videos from the 70s

“I’m 16 and I like Joni Mitchell, the rest of my generation are stoopid with their Lady Gaga”

“Neil Young is a genius, he’s so much better than Justin Bieber and all the shit my classmates listen to. I’m only 15 by the way but I prefer talented musicians to mainstream crap”

Eh… Lady Gaga isn’t a problem with this generation, the genre she belongs to is the bullshit. When Joni Mitchell was releasing records, there were plenty of younguns listening to contemporary shit music by other artists because it was fucking popular and they liked it. Comparing Bieber and any of the oldies is ridiculous, they aren’t comparable. They are irrelevant. You don’t get a gold fucking star for preferring a Michelin starred restaurant meal to a KFC bucket o’ chicken.

You don’t get to renounce your own generation and pretend you’re an honorary hippie. There is good music now and there was bad music then, and just because you have a cool uncle who downloaded some mp3s for you, doesn’t make you an enlightened uber person who transcends generations. Anyone of an age to have been in the audience at a live Joni performance thinks you’re an immature asswipe- It doesn’t matter what your taste in music is, you’re a smarmy little child for expecting to be congratulated just for liking an artist whose Crib you haven’t seen on MTV. Maybe your uncle thinks you’re cool, but he’s probably just some aging failure who enjoys having someone think he’s cool. And woodstock was probably a super awesome experience, but it was probably full of assholes too. And a lot of those topless women in the grainy footage were posers who reeked of patchouli. Quit living in the past, people.

Then we have the blog or website that takes the piss out of a group and maybe it’s totally fake anyway, like “the trouble with young people” or whatever it’s called. You may have come across it, it’s supposed to be written by some geriatric called Don who writes formulaic rants against the youth of today with their newfangled whajumacallits… but it’s clearly not written by an old man. I don’t actually care if it’s a real old guy or a young guy pretending to be old because it’s comedy, it’s not something you’re supposed to freaking live by, but then you have his groupies.

“Oh Don, you’re such a cool old guy because you know how to use the internet, my granny can’t even chew food on her own”

“Don, you’re so right about my generation, EXCEPT I can spell properly and I don’t buy ringtones”

“Don, I am equinanimously as indignant as your good self at the scandalous behaviours of my peers! Your indictment against the iphone is both enthralling and humorous, although I must interject that I am the only personage in my school who is not a culprit of such actions”

Firstly, kids, it’s not a real old guy. Second, laughing at your generation with a real old guy is silly. He doesn’t think you’re a beacon of awesomeness in this modern hell of iphones and ringtones. He probably thinks you are just as immature and ridiculous as the rest of your peers, except at least your peers have friends, and you just have your thesaurus beside your computer for commenting in as adult a manner as you can on fucking youtube videos and the like. Complimenting him on being a cool old guy is incredibly patronising- if he was a real old man and has a fucking blog about the trouble with young people today, do you really think he gives a shit if he gets some young person’s approval?

So teenagers, quit patting yourselves on the back because you happen to like a few things an old man said (who isn’t even real, hence why you find it funny because he IS one of your peers, dipshit) or accomplished the amazing feat of liking a song with guitar in it and no music producer rapping in the middle of one of the singer’s many bikini changes. You might have slightly better taste than the rest of your class, but you’re still probably copying it from someone, and even still, music tastes are as arbitrary and superficial as a favorite colour of nail varnish. Well, not so much. But at least like food preferences. It doesn’t take talent to recognise genius, any impressionable moron can start liking something cool if the right person tells them it’s ok.

And then you have girls and gaming.

I’m a girl. I play some games. Yes, there are less women playing games. I know this because out of all my female friends, I am the only one who plays with my computer anything more graphics-heavy than solitaire or fucking farmville. (I’m using that as an example, I obviously don’t associate with people who play farmville) But it’s not 10 years ago, women play games now. Whenever I stumble across something aimed at male gamers (like every single fucking game is aimed at men because they are the biggest slice of market pie) and some smug harpy bitch decides to pretend she’s one of the guys, a cool gamer girl, but yet is still enough of a girly little pussy that she has to draw attention to her gender….

It makes me angry.

“I’m a girl and I still like Counter Strike, LOL I’m like the ONLY ONE”

“As a woman, I found the mod really easy to install”

It’s like visible girl gamers (real cool girl gamers are shutting the fuck up and not going on about having vaginas on forums which have nothing to do with vaginas) want to be taken seriously as being just as hardcore as men gamers but also want men gamers to be all impressed and think they are pretty.

Soon to be ex husband used to play Left for Dead on his pc ALL THE MOTHERFUCKING TIME and he had this group that always met to play in the evenings, which consisted of three loud girl gamers who would not shut up about being girls the whole time, and trying to make the male players flirt with them… and a whole bunch of male gamers who I never identified because they kept their talk limited to “medikit over there… boomer to your right…. I got the grenades!” and some congenial sharing of daily life. They were just chilling the fuck out with some beers, and the girls got all shrill and flirtatious at the slightest provocation. Ladies, you want to be taken seriously in a real military outfit, you don’t flirt while you’re shooting zombies. That’s how you get bitten, or raped.

I’m a feminist, I think. But women constantly trying to draw attention to the fact that they do something men do, and then expecting to be treated the same, but also wanting congratulations for doing something the same, is like… shut the fuck up.

Rant over. I’m boring myself now.

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2 responses to “Three kinds of smug that piss me off particularly on the internet

  1. I love you. So very much. Your blogs are as if the gods themselves spoke upon these boring ass lands.

    There’s phenomenal music nowadays. But it’s hidden under the massive amounts of shit that is continually pumped into the airways. For me, The White Stripes = The Beatles and The Kills = The Rolling Stones. I mean, you can argue against that, but guess what? I don’t care, these musicians are going to last. Also. I’m right. Always right.

    I completely agree with your opinion with girl gamers as well. Whenever I’m online it’s like the girl HAS to announce that she in fact has a massive vagina. “Hey, I’m a girl and I have BOOBS.” Suddenly the entire lobby is fapping over this retard. I don’t care what you have down there, but you better save my fucking ass if a Hunter tackles me. You’re just as worst as the prepubescent 14 year old screaming over his mic at how gay I am because I used my own med kit on me when I had 12 health yet.

    Noobs all around MFO. I tells ya.

    • No, you’re damn right. Although equating anything with the Rolling Stones is sacrelidge to me, I’ll let it slide this once just cause it’s you and it was preceded with a compliment. It annoys that women fight to be included in things, we fight for equal treatment and then we want to be able to lean our heads to one side and bat our eyelashes and have some poor sucker man carry our stuff when it gets heavy and constantly find us attractive even when there’s no chance of a fuck. My policy with gender in gaming is “don’t ask, don’t tell.” (Also because I get really jealous when I’m playing something and some other girl is prettier than me and everyone pays her attention even if she’s shit)

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