Bam baby, back in the saddle

I did it.

I pulled it off.

I managed to convince another human being that inserting his noodly appendage in my squishy parts would be a desirable thing, and enjoyable.

And it was fucking awesome.

I was quite bold, as usual I’m retreading ground I first explored years ago…

It’s the only kind of recycling I’m into…

But yeah, last time was really quite awful, it was years ago… I was just 18 and kind of enjoying the torturous effect of 18 year old girl-body on men no longer regularly banging that age group. I roped this poor guy in his late 20s into bed, very very drunk… my bed was springy and horrible, and my squirmings were half-assed and self-conscious as I tried to do it without showing my boobs…. The bed didn’t allow for much of a rhythm. We woke the next day to awkwardness and he kind of disappeared as soon as possible. I felt hugely rejected although we later became friends but it’s a weird friendship where we talk about all the important big stuff in our lives but usually online, and we’ve probably spent less than a day together in total over the years.

But retreading those steps was wickedly fun. I’m a bigger girl now, a hellofalot more confident, I have nicer underwear and boobs now, and I can pull a few crotch- clenches out of the bag to impress a guy, as long as the fornication doesn’t take too long. I can give decent bedroom aerobics but only if it’s quick and heavy.

Afterwards the man apologises, sorry I was quicker than you might have liked.

I always grin and say, I don’t mind in the slightest, we can always go again in a few minutes….

but really, I won’t say it but honestly…I made you come quicker because I’m impatient and I get kind of bored if it takes too long.


So today I’m feeling super validated as a woman. I got a serious buzz from being appreciated as a hot piece of young woman, after so long of feeling all inadequate and my stupid ex being a jerk and not deleting his browsing history. So I’d be all, dum dee dum, I’m going to look up some train times on his computer, and BAM! Filthy latin maids taking it in the ass- his last search. Wonderful. Wonderful, and now I’m tied in holy matrimony to this dude who gets off on doing the domestics, and also I am quite pale so the latin aspect of it just makes me want to pick at my skin like Natalie Portman in Black Swan and be all “NOW AM I PRETTY?”.

But oh man the lighting in my recent re-conquest’s room was mighty kind to me. I got to squirm into cushions with a still pretty smooth body in matching undies and feel like I made someone happy….

And damn it felt seriously good.

I think I was pretty ok too, I mean I am a pretty shitty contributor to sex usually, but I was really enjoying myself and hugely aroused by the time we actually got to the point where we were alone so I think I did all right.

Fist bump anyone?

Anyway I feel fucking AWESOME today. Yes.

I’m hanging out with my family today and keep having to wipe from my face the expression that to me is the blatant, obvious “Remembering sex” smile. Looking away and down and smiling with glazed over eyes… other people are bound to pick up on that. That’s what I think, anyway. I’m a leeeetle bit paranoid though, as you may have noticed.

But yeah, I’m feeling mighty good today.

What a difference a lay makes.

Now I’m outtie. Keep it real….



5 responses to “Bam baby, back in the saddle

  1. Pingback: Hysteria! Shopping! Bodily functions! Unhealthy eating habits! It’s another motherfucking blog post! « More fucking opinions from someone on the internet.

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