Too busy to get busy? FUCK YOU, student.

Well, this is a disappointment.

I waited ALL DAY to hear from Fabio about what time he was gonna come on over to my place for the sexing and then he finally gets back to me after I lie to my family and tell them I am having dinner with my one friend so that I can keep the evening free to make myself and my apartment presentable, and then Fabio breezes into my inbox at 8pm and is all

“Yeah I have to do this, this and this tomorrow… If I didnt have to get up so early I would come over to your place”


I’m sorry, mr Studentface, you have to get up early?

Fuck you.

I had to get up off my ass and go and have hairs pulled out of my body, hairs that did not want to be pulled out.

I had to get up and leave my bed where I have cmputer games and movies to watch to clean up my messy house so that you and your stupid Italian upbringing would not suspect me of harbouring crabs or something because my apartment is like an extension of my being.

Or smoething.

And I wasted my whole day-admittedly you do not know this because I played it cool apart frm invitiing you over in the first place- I played it way cooler than you did, and yet here you are TURNING DOWN A CHANCE TO FORNICATE.

you live 15 minutes away from me.

You know this.

It was 8pm.

Fuck you.

My apartment is FULL of condoms and I put on makeup and even straightened my hair so it is long enough to cover my boobs adequately while I sit on your dick and DO ALL THE FUCKING WORK.

Oh I’m sorry, you got shit to do tomorrow.

Fuck you.

Do you have any idea how much of my day was spent in preparation for your visit? Of course not, so it’s not your fault.


then I have to tolerate a whole load more of this not going anywhere conversation before we leave it at “another time then”

You know at this point I have spent more time actually talking to you than I have fucking you. Or nearly, anyway.

This does not bode well.

I made my best ever banana bread because the smell of baking really works wonders at masking the stench of hermit woman who never leaves the house and spends a lot of time on the furniture naked.

And then I ate it all because you didn’t come over and my whole Sunday was wasted and I am very angry with myself for depending so much on some arbitrary man for my happiness and fulfillment.

I am worried now, you will continue talking to me and then when we do see each other next time you have a good stretch of sleepy time up ahead you student DICK, then I will already know how many brothers and sisters you have and a whole load of what you say will make sense to me.

I don’t want that.

I am very angry with you now.

I have decided that, as punishment, I will not wax ANYTHING until you give me a good fucking reason to.

You could have come over here today and I wuold have given you enthusiastic “I don’t know you” head and I would have been all kinds of eager but instead I am downloading some porn (quaint huh, I usually just watch online but I found this one video I used to have…  it was the first and only porn video I ever bought, also one of the dudes in it is hot which is nice.)

Anyway now that my Sunday has been reduced to drinking the rest of that wine alone eating too much banana bread (yum, though. I put almond flakes, dessicated coconut and chopped up papaya in it. REALLY FUCKEN GOOD SHIT YO) and watching porn then I really don’t see why I should make any fucking effort for you anyway.

Is it not the case that sex is the best thing? Doesn’t sex trump having got enough sleep?

I have given up a lot more than sleep for my craft in the past and hot dog I’d do it again.

Strike one was the dead granny.

Strike two is the having to get up in the morning.

I am all eager and desperate right now but let me tell you I lose interest quite quickly. My obsessions live fast die young and nobody ever finds a corpse.

So cop the fuck on and get over here fucking pronto.

My porn is downloaded so this rant is over now.


8 responses to “Too busy to get busy? FUCK YOU, student.

  1. I keep re-reading this and I don’t understand. What idiot turns down sex with a beautiful and sexy woman (that’s you) so they can get up early? What possible reason could there be that a good nights sleep is so very important?
    But worse than that, he cancels on you at the last moment. That is rude and inconsiderate and signifies he’s the ultimate-ultimate kind of arsehole. Kick him to the sideline and stick to the porn as it will treat you a hell of a lot better.

    • He is an idiot BUT I have to say, he didn’t actually say he was coming over, he just replied to my invitation with “i’ll let you know when I get home later in the evening” and I interpreted that as him coming over. I have sent him a message tonight going “tomorrow night- you busy?” and if I do not get laid tomorrow night that’s strike 3. I am too desperate to not throw out one last attempt before abandoning this project. But I do totally agree with you :)

  2. This is bizarre. You two have already sexed — he should be ASSUMING that the trend follows with more sexing, as any normal guy would. My conclusion is that he has no balls. Or is gay. Or is not actually cool with stringless sexytimes. Read: jump ship, the next one will be better!

    • Uhhh this is why I haven’t managed to bed an Italian sooner… I don’t know what to think but I am fairly confident the options are either A) he is just not used to a woman being up for sex only, and as a nice polite boy he is just doing what he normally does with women (this would be consistent with what I previously thought of Italians) or B) He wants my babies and to get to know my personality and share time together wearing clothes and possibly in public. It took so long to get even one night of sex, it feels like if I run a mile I’ll be waiting for ages again and still be none the wiser about how it works here. So I have invited him over tonight. I will make it very clear what I do not want, and fingers crossed he’s A) and not B)….

  3. Good… good… let the hate flow through you… only then will you be able to join the dark side.
    (also banana bread sounds tasty, and now I’m hungry. jerk.)

    (also X2, this dude is looking for a relationship. Should have just told him you needed a penis right from the start. Now you must BREAK him!)

    • Erroneous, my dear internet buddaroo! Erroneous! I feel like I just cut open the goose that laid the golden eggs but instead of finding goose guts and not getting any more gold eggs ever, I have instead found magical goose guts that grant me wishes and therefore are better than gold.

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