The prodigal shag comes back and all is forgiven *

*Had to repost this

Fabio has redeemed himself.

It was awkward at first.

Luckily I began freaking out in advance thinking ARK how to initiate…. what if he tries to cuddle me or some shit? What if he kisses me on the cheek and there is no touching? So to get my courage up I decided to watch some hardcore porn while I made my dinner and before he arrived.

GREAT idea. Really helps proceedings move along… and I was not about to let the opportunity for sex go unused.

Although our reunion was initially stunted and edgy, like two teenagers whose parents are friends being told to “go hang out”, I was feeling sufficiently ballsy and reckless and… turned on and sort of revolted with myself, like I always am when I watch porn… so I just started manhandling his junk.

We had some disinterested conversation about ourselves where  it became clear that not only had I not remembered anything he told me last time, but GODS BE PRAISED! He had also neglected to remember a single factoid about my illustrious existence.

Wonderful stuff.

We circled around the task at hand for a little while and I remembered he had said he would come over “for coffee” so I offered him a beer or wine thinking this might lubricate his side of things a little better.

He said no thank you, well whatever is handy for you… a coffee maybe?

I tried to pretend coffee was not a massive hassle. I pulled out the big coffee pot I use for my good morning twitchy eyelid half litre of joe and he paled. CRAP! Don’t you have a small pot, like for one person?

I’m like, this IS my one person pot.

He looked a little afraid or maybe I am imagining it, of the kind of man crushing boner munching beast of a creature who can put away that much caffeine just for kicks, every day.

Like I drink punks like him for breakfast.

Maybe he wasn’t impressed or afraid but just thought shit this girl has a problem, first she drinks more than one beer in an evening and now she’s drinking 5 cups of normal Italian coffee in one sitting?

Anyway I realise he said he was coming over for coffee so now he doesn’t want me to bother with the coffee as I will have to waste the rest… anyway I don’t bother explaining I would just fill it less of the way… I don’t want to make coffee anyway, that’s a pain in the ass, lots of waiting around and making sure it doesn’t burn. And more talking.

So I sit on his lap and grab his starter hard on and we kiss and he starts feeling up my leg and in between my thighs. It’s not hugely erotic but the ice is broken.

I stand up to check on my bread and it is done so I take that out and leave it to cool. Then I lead him into my clean and tidy bedroom and we debate whose condom to use. Mine which is beside me in an intimidating pot luck, enough to fill a pretty good adult pinata, or his which is in the kitchen in his jacket. He brought one, by the way. Meaning he is at least sensible enough to expect sex- but not ambitious enough to expect more than once. Oh well, it’s still better than “I didn’t think sex was on the cards” which would have meant something awful and hard to wriggle out of.

Before the condom goes on we are shedding clothes and kissing and touching each other… I hear his velcro shoes SHACCCCKKK off and a hysterical bubble of laughter erupts from my nose. I pretend I am laughing at something else… I say, I didn’t know if “coffee” meant the same thing in Italian… in English it means sex. You might think that is a weird or redundant thing to say pre-sex, but it is all part of my subtle digs at clarifying this is just sex. So he’s like, ha ha, yes it can mean that with us too!

And then he’s like, which coffee were you asking me over for?

And I’m like, well there’s only one kind of coffee you’re getting from me…

So he looked happy, now that is my mind put to rest about whether or not he is up for just sex.

So we have some delightfully convenient sex in the comfort of my own home and it is really enjoyable and rough.

I feel wonderfully uninhibited. No I am still not letting him in my bum, that’s just not happening. I have a young tight vagina, if that’s not good enough for today’s men they can go back home and fap alone. But I do feel great just being naked and stuff.I know my body is already beginning to frantically stockpile water for the time of the month when I will have to let my lady fields lie fallow, if you catch my totally unsubtle drift. It’s probably about a week away, so I’m looking a bit porkier. But I don’t really care, I’ve already ridden all the highs and lows of will he-won’t he- does he- don’t he with this guy and I just want some sex anyway, so I don’t have to suck anything in and try to be perfect.

Afterwards he starts looking at his watch, although he doesn’t say anything about it and for a while lay back and have some meaningless personal interchange of information and whatnot. I lay it on heavy with the “I don’t like being in Italy, I can’t communicate properly, that’s why I AM MOVING VERY SOON” and I basically don’t try to hide any of my undesirable traits or anything. This is great. This is what I want it to be like- I feel very relaxed about it all. I couldn’t care less if he goes home now or if we have sex again. Actually I do want another sex, but I don’t feel needy like I normally do.

He is looking at his watch a lot and I’m like, “oh, you got to get up early?” And he’s like “yeah,  otherwise I would stay…”

and I’m like, “hey who’s asking you to stay?” He doesn’t look offended…  we laugh.

Then after a while I make him want sex again and we have another sex, and this one isn’t as good because I guess we are both a bit tired, me because I had fuck all sleep last night (I had hummus- I ate it from a bowl with  a spoon, on its own- for dinner, and couldn’t sleep all night with the… discomfort.) and he had a really long day… I was going to pooh pooh his student lifestyle but he is actually studying something difficult and he got up at 7am so I will be quiet on the matter. I in turn work like 5 hours a day.

So then after that I put on those hot pants and baggy but sexy t shirt I have as “pyjamas” but have never worn as real pyjamas because I just save them to look good in front of a fuck buddy and FINALLY I get to use them!

Then I get to act all cool because I honestly know this guy likes fucking me so I am secure but I don’t feel like he’s displaying any symptoms of being smitten or anything dangerous like that. AND I have gone out of my way to make him see I only want sex, so I can’t even feel hypocritically rejected and think “I don’t want him to like me, but why doesn’t he like me?”

So I am in my fake pjs now looking awesome and all sexed up and he’s getting dressed and I start looking for a song on youtube to play something now he’s going home.

He comes over and he’s like, what are you looking for a movie to watch?

And I’m like, nah… just uploading the film (and I point to the bed. deadpan)

And he’s like.. what do you mean?

I’m like, you know, the film… oh right you didn’t see the laptop there, yeah I’m just sticking it up on youtube.

It dawns on him what I mean. He looks really worried. I start bursting my shit laughing. MWAHAHAHAHAHA Nah I’m only messing, jeez man I wouldn’t do that!

He’s like… are you SURE?

I’m like, of course, if I had filmed that I would certainly not put it on youtube, and I definitely wouldn’t tell you.

He asks me to promise I didn’t.

Of course I didn’t.

Really? Tell me please.

I’m like, relax, the laptop was closed anyway!

He’s freakin out a bit but he does believe me, it’s just occured to him that I could have filmed it if I wanted to.

I’m like, dude I’m only having a laugh, some things I don’t wanna see.

So he looks wary but he believes me and then we exchange some (not as good as mine) jokes about how he’s going to film me next time ha ha and I’m like ha ha yeah well it didn’t come out well so we’ll have to take it from the top…


I had fun, he had fun,

I laughed, he… saw the humour in it but didn’t exactly laugh.

Anyway he was like, I’ll see you soon.

I tell him he’s welcome to call me any time he wants some more coffee….

He leaves happy and mostly trusting that I didn’t really film the whole thing.

And then he left, and I am happy now because I know he gets what’s going on here. I layered on the sleaze as much as I could and didn’t even try to be remotely nice girl, and immediately we were done screwing I was like, ok bye bye that was nice let’s do it again soon…

And it was nice.


Ok I PROMISE I will stop overanalysing this particular man and his possible intentions. We are here. We are good.

It’s awesome. I may not get as regular sex as I would like because princess needs his 8 hours, but then he did tell me how much shit he had to do today and it was like 10 hours of stuff. So… I will be lenient. I can’t stay mad after I’ve been shown such a good time anyway.


Happy now.

(Oh the calm before probably another storm tomorrow morning. But it’s nice while it lasts. Always with the drama though. I am aware of this. I didn’t even share with you the 24 hour freakout I had when my dad convinced me the euro was going to crash yesterday and I was going to lose all my London money (not that there’s a whole lot of it…)

ALSO: I realise I am a total dick and a hypocrite. I recently posted about things that turn me off and how uncool it is people making jokes and fucking with my head in the sexual arena. And then I just go and mess with this poor dude who thinks he’s fat although he didn’t say anything this time luckily, but I am an asshole I know… I should listen to my own advice and not make jokes in the bedroom. Especially since he was such a sport when the inevitable noises made an appearance. He ignored the noises. That is how it’s done.


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