Duuuduuuduuuruuunk post baby yeah!

Derpa derp derp…

BACK OF THE LINE WITH YOU!

I am pushing that thing I wrote eatlier back to the end because I ahve important things to write now.

This wine… is fucking.. VINGERAR.

I had a bottle earlier that was just a half bottle left from yesterday and it was LOVELY gorgeous stuff.

4 euro that botlle cost. And I was all, oh I ‘ll get a cheapo bottle too, a 3 euro one. ERRONEOUS. Wrong. bad move.I was greedy. No no no.

Lesson, even in Italy you can get bad wine. REALL bad wine. It’s horrible. I opeend the second bottle, the cheapo one and it tastes like woodlouse shit. That’s right. Like… cork, soaked in fermendete grapes juice.

So, basically it tsstes like it is corked. Possibly what is it.

But I am on facebook which I know i’m not supposed to mix with drinks, but I saw some guys on there who I sometimes occasionally toalk to and  began talking to them, and I made some weird statements and thyey were misconstrued and then I desiced to not dige myself out of a hole so I just left it at ???? wtf MFO? And I left it at that, and then deleted my comments because I just sounded drunk and stupid. So that’s that, and then I went on REDDIT and began attacking religious people on r/atheism which I am also usuposed to do not, because it is so frustrating and it doesn’t mix well with dirnking either.

But I need some social buzz going on. I wonder… chatroulette? Is this the moment? I know it’s mostly dicks apparently but then… heyyyyy (said like… I don’t know, the Fonze or Joey Tribiani, except if they were a woman, or gay, but not both. Or maybe both.)

Excetp I have put sudocreme on my spots and if i put makeup on now (which i would need to do to go on crhat roulette, then I will… ugh never mind. I dont wanna put on makeup now or clothes. I have a pyjama top on but I tried taking my bra off without taking the top off and it got stuck in my sleeves and now I don’t know how but it is really wrecking my head. I should take the pyjama top off and then the bra but if I want to webcam with a strange penis, I should really look nice and not have my breasts out as I dont’ want to give the wrong impression.

Oh, I openeied this bottle of wine and it is fucking DISGUSTING. Like acid. Tastes like fucking, rotten wood mixed with wine. Really bad wine. I’m still on facebook which I know is bad. One of the dudes told me he had to go ro bed now so I ended the convo with him. But it’s like 15 inutes latere and he’s still online. That means MFO did bad, and people were pushed away by her creepy conversation topics, weird ranting and possibly use of third person to talk abut self.

MFO is drinking the wine anywya, but it tastes like the bark of a redwood tree that has been soaked in balsamic vinegar, and squirre l crap.

It tastes like lindsay lohan swilled it around ih her mouth first and then spat it in her handbag and then poured that into the bottle and then purred some old rotten cork bits into it and thn sealed it.

OH I have been on reddit, I know I dknow stay out of r/atheism no good will come of it, but look what i found… actually no this wasnt on reddit.

Here s my favorite one, I like it because it is a pun:

But there are other ones too like, I like my boats like I like my women,… on the rocks. Or not women, whiskey. Mayks more sense.

But anyway.

I like Captain Schettino, he’s such a tool.

I listenened to the phone calls between him and the coastguard, it was so fucking Italian. I mean, the coastguard’s anger reminded me exactly of

when this dickhead parks her car on the tram lines and the tram can’t pass by and they all talk like that. Like the coastguard.

Fuuck this wine is filthy bad.

It goes down like.. most men I have met so far. Reluctantly, and making you wish you just hadn’t bothered with it at all. but still… not going to stop…

Ugh.

Anyway I am sad I have non of my drinking buddies online/ speaking to me after whatever terribvlw jokes I made or mothers I insulted. Or maybe I just was really vulgar. Or maybe tye are just busy.

Aw I just thought someone had messaged me, i saw a flicker from the corner… thought one of the tabs was like, saying new message from lonesome mc drinkingbuddy but it was a trick of the eye and i dnt have any new mssage.s

I am going to trawl the internet for some more things to do. When I was 14 I used to go on chatrooms. You remmber chat rooms? I used to pretend to be older and talk to all these perves. I call them perves, but really I was just as much a perve. You never know… i always thought I was talking to older guys who were perves but when I was 14 it was pretty much kids online and no one else had a fucking clue how to get on anything other than … oh what was nthe ame of that microsoft chat program? I remember I saw my dad found it one time and he was like, look look i made some friends! adn i was like, dude those aren’t friends, they keep asking if you want to cyber. And he was like, yeah cyber! Like be cyber friends, isn’t it? And I was like… facepalm. Except facepalm hadnt been invented yet, the closest we had was talk to the hand, I think.

And it was like… that’s a screen I found on someone’s page, sorry if I stole it I am too lazy to… ugh whatever.

Anyway it was full of weirdos but then I was a weirdo.

I never made any friends, everyone just asked each other sthing slike do you masutrbate? and do you wanna cyber? And I would sometimes laugh at them but mostly, I wanted to cyber. And then I had a friend who waas onl y allowed on this really lame teenagers chat room with moderators. And we would chat on that, but it was full of other people our age and I couldnt cyber with anyone. And then I started trolling people before that was a thing (hipster troll.. damn too much itme on these damn meme websites) and I would petend to be a teenage boy and then be mean to girls and tel them i was a vampire and sht and they would actually get scared, and i was jus a basically an all-round weirdo. But I was like a wild creature on the internet. As soon as my prents got me my first internet-ready computr the first thing I did was set up parental control. So then I had the password for that. and if my stepdad started being a dick or saying no more internet for you, or whatever, I would be like, yeah well how would you like a week with the childlock on? And mostly he would stfu and back down.

So I would just roam the internet and look up what things meant that I didnn’t know, like rimming, and how to give blow jobs. I guess I had read lke, fifty pages on blow jobs before I had even kissed a boy. I downloaded som ereally fucked up “sexual memoirs” which were crazy… I actually wish I could find that one particular one now. It was about this guy, he just talked about all the women he ever fucked and it was like, really reall yinteresting. It was my first porn.

And then the internet just exploded to contain all these fuckers who just wanted to fap to pictures of oily tits and skanky open mouthed faces and the kind of tool who puts their credit card number into a porn site. To PAY for porn. I mean sure, pay for a prostitut. pay for porn? srsly… wtf.

Ugh. The innternet man… it was a wild wild place. now it just gets smaller and smaller. Every dickhead and his retarded cousin are on the internet. Computers get stupider and more foolproof.. the internet gets bullshittier and more idiot.centric.

so much porn. But the internet is also awesome. I have my blog here for free and I have met some cool peopele. And it makes drinking alone on a friday night… well I anit gonna lie it is still retty lame. But at least I’m not like… on microsoft chat, doing cybersex with some weirdo.

OH and one thing i love about vintage internet… if I had been a teenager with todays technology, there would be som much videos of my boobs on the internet. I am so grateful that webcams didn’t exist.

It was easy to fool the men on the chatrooms with my profile pictures taken from a quick search of “miss world contestants” and cutting out the bit with the sash. Oh you’re so pretty they would say. If there were webcams no onewould have believed that shit.

Good night I am starting to feel this wine disagreening with my stomach in an unplesant manner.

xxx

PS. All this talk of hw i used to use the internet made me… I don’t know I went a bit strange, I just spent an hour on 4chan I DONT KNOW WHY. Honestly I don’t… I don’t know why. I can’t even start to to begin to think why, but I went there and then I rememebr it’s not a good place or fun and I don’t enjoy it, but it sort of passes time in a way. And then I got a headache because of the pictures and then I got up to get solpadeine and I STOOD in the crate of mandarins wihtch were on the floor, and some of them burst and I got a sore foot. so that was shit. But I thout you should now. Good night, now backwards, the beginning.

But I am going to bed now really.

 

 

My fashion predictions from june last year are actually coming true.

I seriously tried to think of the most ridick and no way things ever to predict, but fashion has even less shame than I do.

Link to original post at the b

ottom, it’s basically just this list though:

1. “Murder She Wrote” hair.

Well, it doesn’t seem like anyone’s rockin’ the old Jessica Fletcher do yet. But the year is young, it’s totally possible.

2. Odd shoes. (as in, shoes that don’t match the right and left feet) YES! Nostradamus, move over!

PS. I actually painted a pair of my own shoes two different colours but that is like, because I am cool and actually because when I wrote this list it gave me the idea, and mine are cool and the heel on one matches the toe on the other and vice versa so they are way classier than Katy Perry’s bullshit attempt. Katy Perry is a sap so I scoff at her wearing odd shoes even though it is awesome and innovative when I do it.

3. Skirts on men, and I don’t mean kilts.

S… seriously? Yeah. It’s a TREND. (http://uk.askmen.com/fashion/galleries/paris-fashion-week-spring-2012-2.html) Apparently. Men of earth, I am disappointed. Although it does lead me to stretch further for this year’s fashion prediction… feudal chic?

Feudal Ireland was cool. Totally insane, but I loved it in History class. I remember there were these pictures in the book, illustrating the laws of fashion. I mean, seriously, there was a fashion police. Or just, soldiers. But there were all these laws like, the point of the toe of a man’s shoes must not exceed X inches unless he hold the title of Earl, or, a woman’s skirt must not be wider than X inches unless she is a Lady, or, peasants must dress in one colour only, whereas landowners could wear four, and only the clergy were allowed wear 8 colours. A king could wear 7. Seriously it was madness. If you broke the laws you could have the “offending article” confiscated and also be locked up or beaten. I can’t find those cool pictures now but here is one to give you an idea of the clothes, also note the Nick Carter haircuts on the fellas to the right………

4. high heeled wellies.

http://www.wellywarehouse.co.uk/wellyblog/2009/03/04/pink-high-heeled-wellies

And those are not the only ones, I am just lazy so that is the link you are getting. Also I am so sick of lining up photos so I am just linking. Pffffff.

5. Polyester horse tails on the ass of trousers and skirts for women.

Ok, this hasn’t happened yet, but we are getting close with that peacock monstrosity to the right…. If you find an actual ponytail attached to the ass of something, I will reward you with a random item from my house, maybe a bunch of lighters I don’t need any more. Find me that picture, I am sure it’s only a matter of time.

Well, 3 out of 5 of the most ridiculous fashions I could think of,

have already come true. And I said within 5 years, so I have plenty of time. Insanity….

Oh and… the original post where I made my eerily correct predictions all the way back in June 2011:

https://morefuckingopinions.wordpress.com/2011/06/19/i-wouldnt-let-lady-gaga-lick-the-inside-of-my-bellybutton-after-a-four-day-summer-festival/#comments

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9 responses to “Duuuduuuduuuruuunk post baby yeah!

  1. I honestly think there are some designers out there going “yeah lets do another set of completely humiliating outfits for men and see who ‘pretends’ to love it”
    Like wtf is that green and pink football/longsock/suit and tie/skirt thing? If a man wearing that ever tried to pick me up I would kick him in the nuts and call 911. Seriously !!!

  2. After reading this I have the biggest craving for a giant kebab (with extra chilli sauce) and to randomly shout at total strangers “You’re my friend. I love you. You’re my friend.”

  3. We really need to get wasted over the Internets one day and just troll the shit out of some board one day. We can match mulled wine drinks!

    Love these post, as always, my favorites!

    • Totes. But like, give my liver some time to recover from the weekend. I had hallucinations with that hangover. That is not a good sign. I would love nothing more than to troll… wait, no.. I’m a terrible troll. I feed the trolls. You might not think it because I am such a badass but I am no good at being an internet badass. Although I do a pretty good “as a female gamer, I think…”

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