Pop quiz you guys!
1. List my five biggest turn ons.
“That would be compliments, barmen, French accents, and… compliments?”
Ok, that’s only four, does anyone know the last one?
“Is it… compliments?”
FUCK YEAH THATS EXACTLY RIGHT! (cue streamers and champagne falling from the ceiling, dangerously)
You win the grand prize which iiiiiiis… some awesome sex with Abby. Oh. With yourself. Huh, sounds about right.
That was fun.
My point is, compliments. Compliments compliments compliments.
It’s so fucking EASY.
I’m so fucking easy.
But there’s a right way and a wrong way to do this.
The right was is so fucking easy, I’m going to insert a compliment generator below if I can figure out how….
I spent an hour looking for how to make a sentence generator for my blog but all I was able to do is make a sentence generator on someone else’s site so it can’t slot in here sexily like I wanted. It’s called “the compliment-erator” and it’s here, if you are interested http://sentence.bigparadox.com/default.asp but frankly I am disappointed.
Also I have lost all interest in telling my story.
Actually wait now I really need to go to the toilet
Oh I don’t feel so good now.
I ate a lot of chocolate today and yesterday
It was odd for a Sunday because I’m normally hung over and then I can only eat pizza, but today I woke up not hung over so I was able to eat pizza and chocolate and lots of it.
Now I am not feeling so good.
OH! But anyway.
So I’m on facebook, and… oh man do you remember like a year ago, maybe more… the CAKE incident? Not really an incident, but just that I made cake for a party in Italy. I think it’s either the post in the sidebar, with the picture of cake, or it’s one chronologically after that post. Anyway. I’m too ill right now to link to the right post, also I have gotten distracted enough and it’s not even that good of a story to be interrupting and dilligently coming back to and it’s actually getting late and I have school tomorrow and ohhh I don’t feel so good at all.
Anyway so that time with the cake, the party I went to… it was in this guy’s house. And I brought the cake, and the guy flirted with me a bit and then I left the cake plate in his house and then we went to the city centre and I was into hottish guy with girlfriend, who in retrospect is more like, ugly guy with fianceè. But anyway the guy whose house it was, he asked me for a kiss for money or something like that, and it was a joke, and he was a bit too flirty then and I wasn’t into him.
Then like a week later he’s on facebook all like “hey you left your plate in my house.”
Now it was a big plate and I could have happily gone and pick it up, it’s not like I was afraid of being raped or something. He was pretty nice, I would have liked my plate back. BUT he lived awkward busses from my house. Like to get there, I had to take two busses and walk a bit, and I didn’t relish doing that again with a massive plate. It was bad enough when I had the exciting prospect of arriving at a party looking really good (before I got the chocolate icing all over my dress) and impressing everyone with my totally unneccessary cake baking gesture, and I didn’t know there would be no hot guys there either.
So I just said something like yeah I’ll get it some other time, and forgot all about the guy.
OVER A YEAR has passed and that was the only time I ever saw or spoke to that guy, and now I’m in France and he suddenly pops up on Facebook and he’s all…. actually here’s the convo. My responses to his bewildering come-on are in italics. So it’s not a hugely exciting conversation but I’m sharing it because LOOK HOW ODD HIS ATTEMPT TO COMPLIMENT ME IS. Also, his sense of humour. He gets points for attempting to make jokes but they are so below my high expectations. Anyway. Here’s the conversation:
Note wherever I say “ha” in reply to something, it means I didn’t find it at all funny but don’t want to be a dickhead.
Note to friends of mine reading this: sorry. Sorry yeah I probably do that with you too. Or no, I’m really laughing when it’s you. Seriously.
was that plate stolen?,the one you left at my place,you didnt seem to give hek about it at all
hey! sorry i just totally forgot about that plate. I had a lot of plates…
i bet you own a restaurant or something like that,..i should give it to someone this christmas as a christmas present,.
ha! no, i don’t own a restaurant… I was just lazy and then I forgot
you can give it to someone for christmas if you like!
owkay!!..i hope they dont break it on my head when they find out that i got it from an irish plate collector…
that’s what you say..,it’s ok to have a sophiscated stomach,.as long as it doesn’t show on the outside,i bet you do a lot of gym
ha! no i dont do any gym, i’m too lazy!
i never said i ate the whole cake
well, I’m living in France, studying French… that’s it for now. you?
good night, au revoir
ye i wrote aurevour to check if you really speak french,,haha!!ciao