Blog Love FAQ

This should go without saying, but apparently it does not.

I am not writing this blog to become famous or rich or to gain huge amounts of hits. I am writing it because I get a kick out of it and I feel like it might be useful writing practice for if I ever do decide to write something serious. Also I am very lonely and me talking, a couple of cool cats reading and replying is like sad but awesome friendship therapy. I want more internet friends, sure, but I don’t really want publicity in that if I ever got a very big readership I would definitely have to shut down, delete or make all old stuff private, and quit with the honesty. Not for my own protection really- out of everyone who knows me, probably 3 people would be surprised by anything here really.

But I am mostly thinking of the people I have written about: people like, guys I have slept with, my mother, my friends, guys I have stalked a little… actually that last one is more for selfish reasons than for their protection, yes. This blog as it is now, can’t really get big ever. I don’t think it will, but I don’t publicise it or even tell people about it apart from 4 friends I told when drunk. (Separate drunken incidents)

Anyway, if you do like something I have written, it would absolutely make my day if you clicked the like button because, uh… then I know you liked it. Fantastic. And if you feel like you like it so much you want to inflict my writing on other folks, then you can do something really flattering and nice: send me an email telling me I am awesome, and what you want to link to, and asking if that would be cool. That would totally tickle my ego the right way and it is how my first internet friend who I am sure I know well enough to link to here but because I am making a point I won’t mention by name, went about it when he wanted to link to me. I thought it was a very considerate, well mannered way to go about it, although with just a link to my blog you really don’t have to ask unless you are: religious, spiritual, selling UGG boots, Italian, or… that’s about it. You can link if you want, asking is better but linking is A OK.

I’m not asking for you to link to me, I really don’t give a shit, but if you are so inclined, that is how it’s done for maximum blogger fist bumps.

But if you reblog something I have written which is incredibly personal – I will not be happy. SURE I AM FLATTERED, it is a nice gesture I’m sure, but I do not want my posts on other people’s blogs where I can’t see them or hide them or wipe their drippy noses or control other people commenting or rating them.

I write about shit I probably shouldn’t write about on the interweb but I do it within a fairly safe and obscure corner of things, so as long as I have my blogs where I can keep an eye on them, I think I’m safe to let my depraved secrets run amok. My blogs would be very happy to play with your blogs but they are not allowed to stay the night. It’s just not cool with me. I am overprotective, I know… and on the internet, I know I can’t be sure what they get up to when I am not watching- but I still want to keep them as close as I can. Also, they pee the bed.

If I keep my blogs over here where they are happy, then if I drunkenly tell a friend I have a blog and where to find it, for example, and then I remember I said something thinly veiled about them or someone they know, I can rush back here and edit the fuck out of it before anyone is the wiser.

There are other reasons too- like one day I wake up and want to be a proper writer and decide to purge the internet of my greasy self indulgent blog, just like I did with my thirteen year old diaries when I turned 14 and realised how cringey and at odds with my new mature self those diaries and urgh… poetry… really were. And I burnt them.

Or say, I get a sudden surge in traffic and it starts to look more likely that someone I know will find me and therefore find a treasure trove of very candid details on not just my life but anyone I sleep with and whatnot. I would like to be able to abandon ship at any time at my convenience, make all my posts private, etc.

So a reblog makes me uncomfortable as it is taking the reins and the delete button out of my hands. Yes, anyone with Ctrl and C on their keyboard or even just a goddamned right mouse button can effectively do the same thing except in secret, but then I presume anyone reblogging my posts or liking anything I wrote enough to press two buttons at the same time, actually likes me somewhat and so wouldn’t want me to veer off in the direction of shit creek minus a steering or propulsion device.

Anyone with an asshole and access to chinese food has the power to shit on their neighbour’s doorstep too, but that doesn’t make it ok. I don’t care if wordpress put a reblog button out there and you are using your god given right to reblog my posts, it makes you an asshole. That’s right, I just called you an asshole. On my blog. And if you ASK ME NICELY I WILL REMOVE ALL MENTION OF YOU BECAUSE I AM A DECENT HUMAN BEING, in some respects at least. Be cool.

If you’re thinking, what the fuck of course I would ask permission before reproducing your DIARY anywhere, what’s with the knicker attack emblazoned across every page of your blog? Then you are cool and you can stay.

I have just had an internet disagreement (the worst kind!) with someone who reblogged a post where I spoke about a sexual encounter, without permission, and then became all menstrual when I asked nicely to take it down, and then wouldn’t take it down as well as accusing me of creating drama or being ridiculous or some crap…..  and it has prompted me to say something for future reference so if it isn’t fucking obvious, now you know you don’t do shit with my crap without asking first.

Because she still hasn’t taken my shit down, I am pointing fingers in the form of a link with no fucking permission to her page just to prove if you don’t believe I was nice, that I was actually not rude. Not at first anyway.

I repeat, of course just linking to me is fine if you want, if I delete something after you link to it, the link won’t lead anywhere. Anyone who thinks I am being retarded posting personal stuff online and then expecting people to respect what little control I have for now, then, well I think the risks to my anonymity are quite low really especially in the minor league blogosphere, and it would be very sad to have to stop doing something that makes me happy just because one person is totally inconsiderate and uncooperative, then I may as well just write on my bedroom walls with my own excrement to avoid anyone ever reading what I wrote. And I think I can keep this shit anonymous, I just don’t want the kind of “free publicity” that also involves me not knowing who is looking at my post, what they have said, and how to fucking delete the damn thing.

AND I invite you to remember that if you have read my blog at all then you will know I am prone to swearing and aggressiveness and I am not patient, and yet in our correspondence I WAS FUCKING POLITE YOU CUNT.


Also, even if your rampant reblogging of hundreds of other peoples work wasn’t just blatant angling for hits to your own blog, then I still amn’t comfortably with someone whose blog is supposedly about weight loss, reblogging my shit.

Or even linking to me without a freaking disclaimer.

Because we all know how I lost weight, and it wasn’t thanks to Oprah’s fucking book club.

Also, Oprah is fat, I really don’t get why people are still taking diet advice from her.

Thank you all for your kind patience and understanding in this matter.

If you disagree with anything I said above, I remind you we are on my blog, in my jurisdiction.

And (in this hypothetical situation where you disagree because I’m sure you do agree with me as you are on my blog so you are probably a normal decent slightly pervy human being,) screw you, you’re fucking WRONG.


UPDATE: there’s a new policy in place to deal with any unsolicited reblogs. Anything you reblog, I can alter at my whim. So basically, if you reblog something and this makes me sad face, and I ask you to remove it and you refuse, then I will be forced to draw hairy dicks all over the original which will in effect turn your blog also into a monument to my personal blend of childishness and vulgarity. I would prefer not to do that though because it would mean reposting my original real post somewhere and losing comments and whatnot, but I bet I will have a lot of fun drawing the dicks so it won’t be so bad. Anyway you are hereby warned. Proceed at your own risk.

Also, in case you have a blog where pictures of hairy dicks wouldn’t bother you particularly, then maybe instead I would just make my whole post a whole load of shit about ugg boots, you know… like… China best ugg boots fashion hot nipple Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez UGGs discount boots special nice fashion very hot sexy boots winter discount price.

There is probably lots of fun stuff I can do with my space on your blog, I am sure I will think of something really unsuitable. That is if you reblog without permission. That is all.


3 responses to “Blog Love FAQ

  1. Pingback: Blog Love FAQ « More fucking opinions from someone on the internet.

  2. You’re right. Your work is your ‘intellectual property’ and no one should re-post without prior permission. Just because we are bloggers without massive circulation, doesn’t make us saps.

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